Missing, a girl, her computer, and a few days of posts. I let my little negative voice that sets up and camps get very comfortable take over this weekend. Let’s name her, Nelly. She is packing and going home soon. I did not enjoy her visit.
I have to remember who and why I am writing. I write for me. If someone stops by and reads what I have to say, that is a bonus. I will never turn someone away because of different view points. I would rather learn your viewpoint, and who knows, maybe I can make a few new friends.
I am not a writer. I have never taken one writing class. I know the very basic grammar rules. I think I was about eight when I started to keep a journal. I believe it was a Christmas present. I remember my first story I wrote. I was at my Grandparents house; I wrote a short story about Pluto and Micky. I was so proud of those few little sentences. In the 5th grade, I discovered I could rhyme word together and make fun little poems. I do not write poems about sappy stuff or getting real deep into thought. I like to have fun with the words. Words are one of my best friends, and they are not meant to hurt me.
My negative Nelly coming for a visit was only a matter of time. In fact, I was expecting her sooner. My medications and prior treatments can make a simple point I am trying to get across so frustrating and dishearting. Something as simple as putting words together to form a sentence, a coherent sentence seems impossible at times. Expanding my vocabulary past, “see Jane run, see Dick jump,” takes on something that seems almost impossible at times. And, grammar and language rules, I think have packed up and left with negative Nelly.
I have all the books all the workbooks to help me. That is not the problem; my problem is keeping and recalling those rules. I am so thankful for modern technology, but it can only do so much. I do not want my writing to seem so sterile that it ends up without my personality without character in general. If someone does read something I wrote, I want the reader to come away from the post knowing something about me.
My little pity party with negative Nelly started on Friday. I was writing in my little notebook I use to write ideas or something I heard on the news to write about on my blog. Then, Nelly knocked on the door. She gave me no warning this visit. ” Why do you bother, and waste your time, you suck at it.” She came that fast and slapped me across my face. I did not even turn the computer on from Friday until today. I just wanted to give up. No one would know. Most people do not know I write, and even fewer know I have a blog. There is a reason for not telling others, and I will get to that in some other post.
Giving up would be easy. I am only fooling myself, thinking I am something that I am not. Who am I trying to impress anyway? People go to college to learn this stuff, who do you think you are? And the negative Nelly thoughts go on for almost four days. I can really talk my way into thinking I am stupid and a fool. It used to be one of my favorite things to do.
Negative Nelly left this morning. But like that thing you threw into the garbage from the back of the refrigerator starts warming up to room temperature. It starts to smell really bad! It will take a few days to air out. Next time I hope to stop her at the door. To remember why I write, why I have a blog. I write for myself. I write because I enjoy writing. I know I am not a writer and I only play one on my blog. And because I write, I have never stopped learning. I think I am fine with that.